You Do, You Don't
by sparklylulz
Summary: She turned, opened the heavy door and went out of the auditorium, wishing that the pain in his voice was something she was imagining, because all it did was make everything ten times worse for her. She needed some kind of closure. -St. Berry


**A/N: So, uh, when I said I was over St. Berry? Yeah, that was the denial stage in my grieving. However, here is another St. Berry oneshot, but it's not really _happy_ but it does give Rachel and Jesse both some closure, which I think they both desperately needed. It takes place right after VA step off stage, and Rachel leaves the room while they're performing.**

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_**'you do, you don't'**_

She hated him. She hated him. Oh, how she hated him, and his stupid voice and charming ways. He was on the stage where she and her team had only vacated thirty minutes before. He was singing, and she was transfixed, she just couldn't look away from him. He had always been amazing to watch, because he was so much like her.

Two girls in his arms, two girls that weren't her. Two girls that would never, ever be her again. Still she couldn't move.

"_Anyone can see, oh, nothing really matters to me." _She couldn't watch anymore. It was too painful to remember. All the things they had done together, all the things he had ruined for her. She hated him more than anything.

She turned, opened the heavy door and went out of the auditorium, wishing that the pain in his voice was something she was imagining, because all it did was make everything ten times worse for her. She needed some kind of closure, because she didn't think throwing eggs on a vegan was exactly closure.

She stood, glaring at the door. She had volunteered to stay behind, Quinn didn't need her there, and someone had to know what was going on. Of course she had lied. She wanted to see _him_. She him perform, she just had to see what was so much better to him than her. Vocal Adrenaline were good, but New Directions had been great. They had performed with heart, whereas Jesse had used his showface with every move.

"Rachel." It wasn't a question, or a greeting, it was just a statement. Jesse was standing next to her in the empty hall, and she found that she couldn't look at him.

"New Directions were very good today." He said, and her eyes flashed to his, more out of irritation than actually desire.

"_Very good _? We were great, and you know it. We were ten times better than you. Probably because we actually _care_ about each other." She hissed back at him, and he sighed. He moved one step closer to her.

"I did care about you, Rachel." He said simply, and she shook her head, not wanting to allow herself to cry in front of him anymore.

There was silence then, both refusing to be weak in front of the other, and hating that they were so alike, and not wanting to admit how hurt they both were.

"Finn told me he loves me." She said softly, causing him to look at her with a curious sadness. "Right before we sang today. And I love him, I always have." She studied his face, which was carefully composed- but slipping. She could see pain there, and she wondered why she didn't feel satisfied.

"No you haven't." He said finally, and she glared back at him.

How dare _he _tell her how she felt? He didn't know the first thing about loving anyone. The only person he had ever loved was himself.

"What are you talking about, Jesse?" She asked him, her eyes never leaving his carefully controlled expression.

"There were a few months when you loved me. Don't deny it, Rachel, you are many things, but you were never a good liar." He said gently, reaching out to stroke her cheek, and she couldn't find it within herself to move.

"You are." She said angrily to him, the pain and humiliation leaking into her voice.

"No. I'm honest. I did love you, and some part of me will always love you. We were always supposed to be together, but other things got in the way." He spoke gently, smiling sadly down to her. "Now you get to be with Finn, who will never understand you like I do."

"That's not fair! This isn't fair. You don't deserve to say those things." She said, stepping back from him.

"No, I most certainly don't. That doesn't stop them from being true, though. I'll miss you, Rachel. But someday, I swear to you, we will meet again, and if some small part of you doesn't still love me like I'll love you, then I'll give up singing." He said forcefully, because they both knew he was right. The would always love each other in some amount.

"Until then," He said, stepping towards her, his arms outstretched. She reluctantly walked into them and he hugged her once. "You're beautiful, Rachel, and I'm sorry for everything. I can't wait to see you be a star." He whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. She looked up at him, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

She was surprised to feel a wet drop hit her where his lips had just been, and then she realized it was tear, and Jesse St. James was crying, over her. He turned to walk away. She watched him go, a feeling of sadness and happiness filling her as she walked out to call Finn and find out what was going on.


End file.
